The Abyss, or Spiritual Depression

You have spoken of staring into the Abyss, but have you truly looked within it?  Spent hours looking into the Abyss that exists within you and seeing every single character flaw you possess?  Seeing all the lost opportunities and wasted opportunities because of something you did which was caused by an insecurity you possessed?  How about looking at the choices you thought were “right” or “correct” for you at the time, which only in time revealed to you instead all the things that were wrong about you? Spiritual depression is one of the paths we each take to reach the Abyss.

I do this regularly – the Angelics make me do this for my highest and best good.  Not to punish, not to humiliate, not to wreak havoc upon that which exists as “me”, but instead to look at, to analyze, to see how I could have chosen differently, to reflect upon, and mostly, to heal those wounds that exist within me.

If I enter the Abyss and stay too long, I call this spiritual depression the “Dark Night of the Soul”.  It is not necessarily a choice to “stay too long”, but rather I am held there in that state of exposure – held in a state of almost suspension where I am given time to really look at what I truly believe down to my Core.

Every significant spiritual step forward I have taken has been prompted by a spiritual depression episode.  I don’t become suicidal, but I do become very dark energetically as all my focus is internalized on my frailty and flows.  Obsessed might be a good word for it, except that every single thing in my life is reviewed, judged, discerned, and finally determined if it is to stay or go. 

People have also left as a result of my work in the Abyss – sometimes because my vibration shifts too high for them to be comfortable with me, so they leave…and sometimes because I realize that they are not in alignment with me and what I wish to become.

When you stare into the Abyss – what do you see? 

It is a place that reflects fears and smashed dreams and idle thoughts of fancy and then shows you the reflection of who you are.  Multiple people I have worked with over the years wonder at my humility, my abject refusal to claim attention or acclaim for what I do.  Partially that is because I am an introvert and am not comfortable in the spot light or being around lots of people, and partially it is because of my experiences within the Abyss. 

I know who and what I am, and I cannot claim something that I do not do.  The change I bring into other people’s lives, the healings they experience, the knowledge shared with them is not me, it is not mine.  I merely channel that information/energy/healing to them.  They are the ones who bear the responsibility of what they do when I finish doing my thing.

I have looked into the Abyss and seen what I could become – and that has scared me.  I don’t want to become that person ever, for I have also seen it echoed in a parallel lifetime and I don’t like who I am in that lifetime.

You may think you are challenging or difficult or unworthy or mean or whatever negative term you use inside your head.  We are each these things – it is part of being human and it is a lesson for each of us to grow past that childish mindset and see others for who they truly are and not what we project at them. 

Last night I voluntarily entered the Abyss, for I could feel spiritual depression looming.  This is good – it is an opportunity for me to demand transparency and honesty, learning and growth, and healing from myself.  And the end result is always the same when I learn from these moments – Love.

Love is all that matters in this world.  I say that a lot, because it really is true.  Love of all kinds, all natures, with all kinds of people, animals, and aspects of this reality.  When we choose to love, we are choosing an aspect of ourselves that lifts us up away from cruelty and barbarity into a place of reason and rationality.  Clarity and discernment instead of fear and ignorance, for the more we learn about ourselves and how we work inside, the better we are able to understand the motivations and agendas of other humans.

I have not always chosen love or to be in a place of love.  I would have tossed some of the people I work with now to the curb a long time ago if I was still unable to see how their wounds drive them to self-destructive acts.  I give them the safe place to be themselves and a place to unburden their fears and worries.  I give to them what the Angelics and Guides have given to me, because very few people ever experience what I experience regularly.  How can I do less?  I accept myself; how can I not accept others for the fragile creatures we are?

The most vicious, ugly person can be redeemed – if they want to be.  I cannot make anyone do that – they have to want to do that.  I can hold their hand while we look into the abyss together, for I am not afraid of it, and that gives them strength.

When I stare into the Abyss, I see me.  I see all versions of me – good, bad, ignorant, wise, silly, vicious, beautiful and ugly.  I choose what I wish to be, I choose the aspects I want to heal and those I want to grow.

In the end, I know when I am done with the Abyss because I choose to lift myself away from spiritual depression and suicidal thoughts and instead, I embrace what I have become and what I want to be.

It takes courage and internal fortitude to own yourself – your positives and negatives.  I understand your pain, very well.  I go into the abyss gladly because when I emerge, I am better for it.  But in the beginning, it was not easy at all.  I was filled with shame and horror and felt I did not deserve anything of happiness because of what a weak and horrible person I was.  And then I forgave myself for being human and I slowly forgave those who hurt me deliberately, and then slowly worked on forgiving those who hurt me carelessly.

What do you see when you stare into the Abyss?

Welcome to the First 2019 Mother Earth Planetary Shift

And again, it is coinciding with Mercury in Retrograde. Yay us!

I admit, I have been a slacker on writing this blog. Last year’s combo was a massive trial for everyone sensitive on this planet and having to break it to people that they would be experiencing similar sensations and trials and tribulations again made me cringe.

However, instead of focusing on what the Planetary Shift will be doing to you (hint – 2nd and 4th chakra issues will be arising!), I am going to focus on how the combination of MiR and the PS can assist with releasing deep seated ideas and give you an exercise or two to help you shift in alignment with these two powerful energies.

Let’s look at the 2nd chakra first. The 2nd chakra houses all our ideas of society and our place within. We keep all our ideas about relationships, sexual identity, and sexuality trapped in there as well. Hierarchy within the family unit and the roles we hold in society are unconscious programs running too.

Basically, it’s a massive goulash of messed up ideas, emotions, beliefs, and patterns of behaviors that started accumulating when you were about 8 years old. And needless to say, not too many 8 year olds understand the complexity of the world we live in, much less have the emotional maturity and intellectual discernment capable of making mindful decisions.

So all that plus is massed within our 2nd chakra. Throw into that mess all the messed up relationships and ideas about people we knew/know and there is plenty to keep any one individual busy doing healing work on a daily basis for a year.

Let me give you an example from my repertoire of experiences.

As humans, our capacity for love is magnificent and incredible. And as a human, we very often don’t consider why we love someone. We certainly don’t consider capability when we love someone – we “just do” and it is only down the road when we get to know that person that we realize our personalities do not mesh well together.

It does not mean the love was “wrong” – it just means that the person is not a good fit for our personal path. We can still have them in our life – just not in the capacity we wanted them to be. And thus begins the trials and tribulations of the heart, for all too often, when they don’t fit into the box they think they ought to – or the one we think they ought to – we cut them out, drop them to the curb, and repress their memory deep within us.

This is just one instance, just one person. One relationship experience that has now encapsulated a variety of emotions, a number of roles for both you and the other person, and then tie in the grief of releasing all hopes and expectations for that relationship. Finishing all that up is the repression of the memory of that person within so that it becomes an unconscious program running in our background. We have not learned from it because we repressed the relationship, so we will repeat the lesson by bringing in person after person who reminds us of the one repressed.

And so we begin the string of bad relationships that will taint that aspect of our life – until we stop, pull that individual/relationship out of our memory, heal it, and release it.

Ugh – stop, I can hear the protestations without you opening your mouth! NO, this is NOT going to be fun or pretty. Yes, this is a shit storm alert! BUT do you want to KEEP doing this? Do you want to keep sabotaging your friendships and romantic relationships because of the hurt you have bottled up inside you?

I sure as heck don’t! And yes, to answer the question, I have spent a number of days within the last week processing my own pain. I have had wonderful support from a couple of friends who were able to just love me and let me know that they value me and that I deserve to allow myself to heal.

To Heal. This is the goal. To HEAL. Not to find someone ‘new’ to have a relationship with, but to heal and grow and become more, to travel down my path a little further, to reach within and release the Darkness and bring more Light within me.

And I cannot do that when I hold onto people.

This is not easy. We hold so much grief within us in so many ways and it hurts us to pull it out. But you don’t have to live through the relationship again to release it. You just have to be willing to let it go. And that is the second hard part of the process.

You have to let go of the hope you have been harboring within you that somehow this person, this relationship is going to have a magical experience and all will be wonderful and beautiful and you will have your happy ever after.

The only happy ever after you are going to have is you healing and releasing and developing a deeper and stronger capacity to love others more unconditionally. Tough talk time, but such as it is.

So pull up your big person undies and let’s suck it up and do the exercise.

First, I want you to get into a sitting position, preferable on a chair as you will be having arm movement and need it unrestricted.

Start with your hands in your lap and focus on long, slow, deep breaths in and out of your belly. Allow yourself to slide into a light meditative state.

As your breathing lengthens, allow your hands to naturally drop to your sides.

After they have dropped, allow yourself to feel a large ball of pink light settle over your head, over your crown chakra. Breathe deeply, allowing your breaths to slow even more.

Feel that pink ball expand and slowly encompass your entire body, stretching and covering you with each breath you take.

Once it has fully covered you, focus your attention on your hands, hanging limply at your side.

Now feel a ball of gold and white energy forming in your crown chakra. With each breath, that ball of gold and white energy is going to stretch and grow and flow through your Core, through each chakra, your meridians, and your auric layers.

The combination of the pink energy and the gold and white energies is going to provide you with healing, buffering, knowledge, and wisdom to move forward to the next step.

Feel again your hands hanging limply by your side. Call upon your High Self to come forward and help you. Call upon the Creator to send energy to you and allow yourself to Receive.

Now feel the energy of the Creator moving through your heart chakra, flowing down your arms to your hands. Feel the energy of the Creator stretch your hands out and the energy flow out through your finger tips.

Allow your hands and arms to raise up until the palms meet each other over your head.

Breathe deeply, allowing the energy flow through you organically.

You will feel the directive to allow your hands to drop down in front of you, palms together, until they come to rest in front of your stomach.

Allow your hands to open and come to rest on top of your belly, over the 2nd chakra.

With every breath you take, feel the energy of the Creator flow from your heart, through your arms, and from your hands into the 2nd chakra.

Give yourself permission to release and heal any and all wounds you carry within you.

Give your High Self permission to lift from you those wounds that no longer are serving your Highest and Best Good.

Allow yourself to fill with Light.

And repeat until the time it is indicated your session is done. If you are not accustomed to doing energy work, allow yourself a half hour of this work until you get accustomed to the after effects.

After effects may include emotional exhaustion, crying, anger, the desire to throw things, and finally the acceptance that you deserve way more than holding onto this old nonsense.

Seriously – I derived this list from personal experience. Your personal emotional process may include other states of emotion. Don’t judge – just allow yourself to process and release as much as you can, each time you do the exercise.

Should you decide you feel “nothing”, please note that for some deeply held wounds, issues, and beliefs multiple sessions may be required to dislodge. Give yourself this gift!

Now for the 4th chakra, we have a mantra for you to practice for the next 21 days. The mantra can be stated before, during, and after the 2nd chakra healing exercise, or you can do it in a separate session.

Negativity now vanishes completely from my life. I am safe and everything is in alignment with my Highest and Best Good. I am Loved.

For those who are unfamiliar with mantras, mantras are used to help retrain the mind and thought processes while assisting your energy system to release and heal wounds. At least, in my world this is what they do.

Why does it work? Because we are spiritual beings in a human form that is driven by psychology. For the human mind to change, it must do something different for 21 days, every day, which allows the brain to be reprogrammed.

So, the mantra will be done daily and the 2nd chakra exercise will be done daily and at the end of this time Mercury will be almost out of Retrograde but you will have 3 more weeks of the Earth Mother Planetary Shift. Keep going and do as much as you can while these energies are available to you!

One last exercise – crying can be such a healing experience. Not pretty, artful crying, but crying where you are feeling everything in your lower stomach, in the 2nd chakra. When you tone, your body is able to shift and release vibrations that are trapped within its energy system. When you cry through your 2nd chakra, those are the moments of deep release where it is the noise that is important – not the amount of tears flowing.

When you can give yourself the opportunity to howl, to release trapped energies via your body’s organic flow, you may be quite surprised at how good you feel the next day.

As always, drink tons and tons of water as you are going through the shift! Blessings to you!

What is Hope?

Hope is the expression of Faith through Possibility.

Sounds complicated or nonsensical even, but Faith is the quality that guides Hope.  If you have no Faith, then you are not open to Spirit moving through your life.  You are not open to Spirit creating opportunities and shifts and incredible moments of change.  All of these are things that your High Self (Soul) will use to give you a kick in the ass to get to where you need to be.  Sometimes they are synchronicity in action, sometimes they are painful to go through.  But regardless of painful or blissful, they are what brings change to you.
Hope, the purest sense of Hope, is the belief that all things will work out “all right”.  Many times, people use their sense of Hope to project THEIR idea of what is “right” onto a situation and many times what they want to have happen does not.  But what they need to have happen does.
Hope allows us the opportunity to allow Faith to come into our darkness to bring moments of Shift to us.  And Shift is oh so important in our lives.  We NEED Shift.
Moments of synchronicity are one of the most common exclamations of Hope in our world.  Things just line up and go bing, bing, bang.  What we thought would be arduous is easy and what we thought would take months takes days.  Sometimes that synchronicity is to validate we are doing the correct thing.  Sometimes it is to help us understand that we are not alone.  Sometimes it is just a knock on the head to say “hey there”.
But as we know there is no such thing as coincidence and we know that synchronicity does not just “happen” – not with all the things we have attached to us and everyone around us.  It is more likely that Murphey’s Law will kick in and something will explode dramatically than synchronicity will take place.
It is each of ours responsibility to feel hope within ourselves, for no one can do it for us.  Sometimes, such as in my case, we are not raised with any idea of hope – the word means zero.  Sometimes hope is linked to prayers where you ask for fairy tales and miracles to come true and thus you are continually disappointed and your faith diminishes.
You are taught in religion that God Works In Mysterious Ways.  Usually when something terrible has happened to someone.  And they don’t have an answer for it…they don’t know how to answer the question to the paper thin idea of God they teach people and why that God would allow “bad things” to happen to “good people”.
Bad things happen because humans respond to negative things and pain.  They feel those things and they have an internal response and change happens.  Positive things don’t cause change.  Positive things reinforce where one is and that everything is great – people don’t want to change because they think they will lose the happy thing they have.  Thus, terrible things will happen.
A child’s death can be the most negative thing that can happen to a parent – regardless of whether the child is 3 or 30.  However, a death before the age of 5 seems to strike the average person more deeply than when someone dies at 30.  “They never got to live” – that is what they tell themselves.
BUT there is a reason for the death – death is the most significant change creator to humans that exists.  So once you pull back from complete grief, the action is to see how the death has affected you.  Instead of nullifying the pain, examine it.  Use the pain to create change in your life and move from there – hope in action.
That does seem an incredibly dramatic way to take something and view it positively – Hope.  But we are each the master of our destiny – and in truth that means we are each responsible for how we view things and thus how we then live our life as a result.
Some people never break the mold of their family’s influence, even though they are deeply unhappy.  Regardless of what their High Self throws at them – and in today’s environment, it is oh so easy to degenerate into drinking or drugs to numb away your pain and stop actively living.  Many different things exist today as a form of addiction that take people away from actively living, that allow them to hide away.
And the High Self will throw thing after thing at you – to get you to wake up, to get you to change who you are – until the day you pass on.  The High Self never gives up.
And Hope exists to help you identify that which can be changed.  It assist you with allowing change to take place in your life…even when the change that happens is not what you wanted it to be.
So when the minister or priest gets asked “why”, the correct answer (harsh answer) is because they need to learn something, they need to grow in some way and they left Spirit with no other way to act than something dramatic and painful.  Yes, this is so, so harsh, but sometimes people need the stick at the back of the head instead of the pat on the head.  So that is what they get.
Blessings in disguise, when a door closes a window opens, look for the rainbow after the storm…these are all expressions of Hope in the true form, yet people don’t get it.