The Abyss, or Spiritual Depression

You have spoken of staring into the Abyss, but have you truly looked within it?  Spent hours looking into the Abyss that exists within you and seeing every single character flaw you possess?  Seeing all the lost opportunities and wasted opportunities because of something you did which was caused by an insecurity you possessed?  How about looking at the choices you thought were “right” or “correct” for you at the time, which only in time revealed to you instead all the things that were wrong about you? Spiritual depression is one of the paths we each take to reach the Abyss.

I do this regularly – the Angelics make me do this for my highest and best good.  Not to punish, not to humiliate, not to wreak havoc upon that which exists as “me”, but instead to look at, to analyze, to see how I could have chosen differently, to reflect upon, and mostly, to heal those wounds that exist within me.

If I enter the Abyss and stay too long, I call this spiritual depression the “Dark Night of the Soul”.  It is not necessarily a choice to “stay too long”, but rather I am held there in that state of exposure – held in a state of almost suspension where I am given time to really look at what I truly believe down to my Core.

Every significant spiritual step forward I have taken has been prompted by a spiritual depression episode.  I don’t become suicidal, but I do become very dark energetically as all my focus is internalized on my frailty and flows.  Obsessed might be a good word for it, except that every single thing in my life is reviewed, judged, discerned, and finally determined if it is to stay or go. 

People have also left as a result of my work in the Abyss – sometimes because my vibration shifts too high for them to be comfortable with me, so they leave…and sometimes because I realize that they are not in alignment with me and what I wish to become.

When you stare into the Abyss – what do you see? 

It is a place that reflects fears and smashed dreams and idle thoughts of fancy and then shows you the reflection of who you are.  Multiple people I have worked with over the years wonder at my humility, my abject refusal to claim attention or acclaim for what I do.  Partially that is because I am an introvert and am not comfortable in the spot light or being around lots of people, and partially it is because of my experiences within the Abyss. 

I know who and what I am, and I cannot claim something that I do not do.  The change I bring into other people’s lives, the healings they experience, the knowledge shared with them is not me, it is not mine.  I merely channel that information/energy/healing to them.  They are the ones who bear the responsibility of what they do when I finish doing my thing.

I have looked into the Abyss and seen what I could become – and that has scared me.  I don’t want to become that person ever, for I have also seen it echoed in a parallel lifetime and I don’t like who I am in that lifetime.

You may think you are challenging or difficult or unworthy or mean or whatever negative term you use inside your head.  We are each these things – it is part of being human and it is a lesson for each of us to grow past that childish mindset and see others for who they truly are and not what we project at them. 

Last night I voluntarily entered the Abyss, for I could feel spiritual depression looming.  This is good – it is an opportunity for me to demand transparency and honesty, learning and growth, and healing from myself.  And the end result is always the same when I learn from these moments – Love.

Love is all that matters in this world.  I say that a lot, because it really is true.  Love of all kinds, all natures, with all kinds of people, animals, and aspects of this reality.  When we choose to love, we are choosing an aspect of ourselves that lifts us up away from cruelty and barbarity into a place of reason and rationality.  Clarity and discernment instead of fear and ignorance, for the more we learn about ourselves and how we work inside, the better we are able to understand the motivations and agendas of other humans.

I have not always chosen love or to be in a place of love.  I would have tossed some of the people I work with now to the curb a long time ago if I was still unable to see how their wounds drive them to self-destructive acts.  I give them the safe place to be themselves and a place to unburden their fears and worries.  I give to them what the Angelics and Guides have given to me, because very few people ever experience what I experience regularly.  How can I do less?  I accept myself; how can I not accept others for the fragile creatures we are?

The most vicious, ugly person can be redeemed – if they want to be.  I cannot make anyone do that – they have to want to do that.  I can hold their hand while we look into the abyss together, for I am not afraid of it, and that gives them strength.

When I stare into the Abyss, I see me.  I see all versions of me – good, bad, ignorant, wise, silly, vicious, beautiful and ugly.  I choose what I wish to be, I choose the aspects I want to heal and those I want to grow.

In the end, I know when I am done with the Abyss because I choose to lift myself away from spiritual depression and suicidal thoughts and instead, I embrace what I have become and what I want to be.

It takes courage and internal fortitude to own yourself – your positives and negatives.  I understand your pain, very well.  I go into the abyss gladly because when I emerge, I am better for it.  But in the beginning, it was not easy at all.  I was filled with shame and horror and felt I did not deserve anything of happiness because of what a weak and horrible person I was.  And then I forgave myself for being human and I slowly forgave those who hurt me deliberately, and then slowly worked on forgiving those who hurt me carelessly.

What do you see when you stare into the Abyss?

Welcome to the First 2019 Mother Earth Planetary Shift

And again, it is coinciding with Mercury in Retrograde. Yay us!

I admit, I have been a slacker on writing this blog. Last year’s combo was a massive trial for everyone sensitive on this planet and having to break it to people that they would be experiencing similar sensations and trials and tribulations again made me cringe.

However, instead of focusing on what the Planetary Shift will be doing to you (hint – 2nd and 4th chakra issues will be arising!), I am going to focus on how the combination of MiR and the PS can assist with releasing deep seated ideas and give you an exercise or two to help you shift in alignment with these two powerful energies.

Let’s look at the 2nd chakra first. The 2nd chakra houses all our ideas of society and our place within. We keep all our ideas about relationships, sexual identity, and sexuality trapped in there as well. Hierarchy within the family unit and the roles we hold in society are unconscious programs running too.

Basically, it’s a massive goulash of messed up ideas, emotions, beliefs, and patterns of behaviors that started accumulating when you were about 8 years old. And needless to say, not too many 8 year olds understand the complexity of the world we live in, much less have the emotional maturity and intellectual discernment capable of making mindful decisions.

So all that plus is massed within our 2nd chakra. Throw into that mess all the messed up relationships and ideas about people we knew/know and there is plenty to keep any one individual busy doing healing work on a daily basis for a year.

Let me give you an example from my repertoire of experiences.

As humans, our capacity for love is magnificent and incredible. And as a human, we very often don’t consider why we love someone. We certainly don’t consider capability when we love someone – we “just do” and it is only down the road when we get to know that person that we realize our personalities do not mesh well together.

It does not mean the love was “wrong” – it just means that the person is not a good fit for our personal path. We can still have them in our life – just not in the capacity we wanted them to be. And thus begins the trials and tribulations of the heart, for all too often, when they don’t fit into the box they think they ought to – or the one we think they ought to – we cut them out, drop them to the curb, and repress their memory deep within us.

This is just one instance, just one person. One relationship experience that has now encapsulated a variety of emotions, a number of roles for both you and the other person, and then tie in the grief of releasing all hopes and expectations for that relationship. Finishing all that up is the repression of the memory of that person within so that it becomes an unconscious program running in our background. We have not learned from it because we repressed the relationship, so we will repeat the lesson by bringing in person after person who reminds us of the one repressed.

And so we begin the string of bad relationships that will taint that aspect of our life – until we stop, pull that individual/relationship out of our memory, heal it, and release it.

Ugh – stop, I can hear the protestations without you opening your mouth! NO, this is NOT going to be fun or pretty. Yes, this is a shit storm alert! BUT do you want to KEEP doing this? Do you want to keep sabotaging your friendships and romantic relationships because of the hurt you have bottled up inside you?

I sure as heck don’t! And yes, to answer the question, I have spent a number of days within the last week processing my own pain. I have had wonderful support from a couple of friends who were able to just love me and let me know that they value me and that I deserve to allow myself to heal.

To Heal. This is the goal. To HEAL. Not to find someone ‘new’ to have a relationship with, but to heal and grow and become more, to travel down my path a little further, to reach within and release the Darkness and bring more Light within me.

And I cannot do that when I hold onto people.

This is not easy. We hold so much grief within us in so many ways and it hurts us to pull it out. But you don’t have to live through the relationship again to release it. You just have to be willing to let it go. And that is the second hard part of the process.

You have to let go of the hope you have been harboring within you that somehow this person, this relationship is going to have a magical experience and all will be wonderful and beautiful and you will have your happy ever after.

The only happy ever after you are going to have is you healing and releasing and developing a deeper and stronger capacity to love others more unconditionally. Tough talk time, but such as it is.

So pull up your big person undies and let’s suck it up and do the exercise.

First, I want you to get into a sitting position, preferable on a chair as you will be having arm movement and need it unrestricted.

Start with your hands in your lap and focus on long, slow, deep breaths in and out of your belly. Allow yourself to slide into a light meditative state.

As your breathing lengthens, allow your hands to naturally drop to your sides.

After they have dropped, allow yourself to feel a large ball of pink light settle over your head, over your crown chakra. Breathe deeply, allowing your breaths to slow even more.

Feel that pink ball expand and slowly encompass your entire body, stretching and covering you with each breath you take.

Once it has fully covered you, focus your attention on your hands, hanging limply at your side.

Now feel a ball of gold and white energy forming in your crown chakra. With each breath, that ball of gold and white energy is going to stretch and grow and flow through your Core, through each chakra, your meridians, and your auric layers.

The combination of the pink energy and the gold and white energies is going to provide you with healing, buffering, knowledge, and wisdom to move forward to the next step.

Feel again your hands hanging limply by your side. Call upon your High Self to come forward and help you. Call upon the Creator to send energy to you and allow yourself to Receive.

Now feel the energy of the Creator moving through your heart chakra, flowing down your arms to your hands. Feel the energy of the Creator stretch your hands out and the energy flow out through your finger tips.

Allow your hands and arms to raise up until the palms meet each other over your head.

Breathe deeply, allowing the energy flow through you organically.

You will feel the directive to allow your hands to drop down in front of you, palms together, until they come to rest in front of your stomach.

Allow your hands to open and come to rest on top of your belly, over the 2nd chakra.

With every breath you take, feel the energy of the Creator flow from your heart, through your arms, and from your hands into the 2nd chakra.

Give yourself permission to release and heal any and all wounds you carry within you.

Give your High Self permission to lift from you those wounds that no longer are serving your Highest and Best Good.

Allow yourself to fill with Light.

And repeat until the time it is indicated your session is done. If you are not accustomed to doing energy work, allow yourself a half hour of this work until you get accustomed to the after effects.

After effects may include emotional exhaustion, crying, anger, the desire to throw things, and finally the acceptance that you deserve way more than holding onto this old nonsense.

Seriously – I derived this list from personal experience. Your personal emotional process may include other states of emotion. Don’t judge – just allow yourself to process and release as much as you can, each time you do the exercise.

Should you decide you feel “nothing”, please note that for some deeply held wounds, issues, and beliefs multiple sessions may be required to dislodge. Give yourself this gift!

Now for the 4th chakra, we have a mantra for you to practice for the next 21 days. The mantra can be stated before, during, and after the 2nd chakra healing exercise, or you can do it in a separate session.

Negativity now vanishes completely from my life. I am safe and everything is in alignment with my Highest and Best Good. I am Loved.

For those who are unfamiliar with mantras, mantras are used to help retrain the mind and thought processes while assisting your energy system to release and heal wounds. At least, in my world this is what they do.

Why does it work? Because we are spiritual beings in a human form that is driven by psychology. For the human mind to change, it must do something different for 21 days, every day, which allows the brain to be reprogrammed.

So, the mantra will be done daily and the 2nd chakra exercise will be done daily and at the end of this time Mercury will be almost out of Retrograde but you will have 3 more weeks of the Earth Mother Planetary Shift. Keep going and do as much as you can while these energies are available to you!

One last exercise – crying can be such a healing experience. Not pretty, artful crying, but crying where you are feeling everything in your lower stomach, in the 2nd chakra. When you tone, your body is able to shift and release vibrations that are trapped within its energy system. When you cry through your 2nd chakra, those are the moments of deep release where it is the noise that is important – not the amount of tears flowing.

When you can give yourself the opportunity to howl, to release trapped energies via your body’s organic flow, you may be quite surprised at how good you feel the next day.

As always, drink tons and tons of water as you are going through the shift! Blessings to you!

Why Seeing a Healing Practitioner May Help!

Have you ever wondered why, after learning how to use a healing modality, you never seem to get the results that other people rave about?  Do you then feel as if you failed?  That maybe you are not “good enough” to do this work?  Maybe you were so disappointed that you gave up trying to help yourself.

What if I told you that you did not fail and you were not deficient in any way?  The truth is, there are modalities that are effective but the vast majority of them are not going to do the work you want them to do because you are resisting the healing.

Did you immediately recoil from reading that last sentence?

Your wounds inside need healing.  Has your physical state reached the point where you are being told to see a doctor?  But Western Medicine has failed you so far if you continue to worsen. But that’s the point of Western Medicine, isn’t it?  It doesn’t want to heal the actual wounds inside of you – they just want to throw a pill of some kind at you and keep you coming back for more.

Or maybe you can feel things starting to happen inside of you and you know that you have to deal with this now – not in one or even two years down the road.  Now.

That is why you turned to alternative modalities like energy work.  Yet, that doesn’t seem to be working either, does it?  What is wrong with you?

Stop.  I mean it – just stop.  You are an extremely complex being and inside you are carrying within emotional wounds, psychological wounds, and energy imbalances that are all affecting your physical form.  Yes, the desire is there to get better and your lack of success does not mean you chose the incorrect modality to learn.

It means that your issues are much more complex than you want to realize and you need to get some outside help.  Perhaps temporary outside help or perhaps long-term help is needed.  Or, if you are getting that help already, maybe you need to switch healing practitioners to find one who can deal effectively with your issues.

Ah, I feel that resistance again.  Why is the resistance there?  Did you for a class which was supposed to cure and heal all ills?  Have you paid someone to help you yet the results were less than stellar?  Do you just not believe that all this woo-woo stuff is real?

Remember – the resistance inside of you is just one indicator that you are COMPLEX.  Respect your complexity.  And relax – it is quite possible to heal yourself if you dig in and learn all you need to know about your energy system, and it is quite possible to find a reputable healing modality practitioner to do the work with.

By trimming down your list of potential healing practitioners with a couple of steps, you will be able to look at your choices more clearly.  We will cover those steps further in this blog.

Let’s get back to why you might need to see a healing practitioner first.  Do any of these apply to you?

  • Have you tried different ways to help yourself, yet nothing seems to be “the one way”?
  • Did you connect beautifully with your High Self in one session and do amazing work, yet subsequent sessions were ineffective?
  • Do you feel as if you cannot connect emotionally with your inner self on a regular – DAILY – basis?
  • Do you feel as if you are spinning on a hamster wheel day after day, trying this and trying that, but feeling as if you are not getting any closer to healing yourself all the while your frustration builds?

Before you start your personal sessions, do you ask yourself any of the questions below? Or do you just dive in?

  1. Are you ready emotionally to address the wound/s inside you?
  2. Are you ready to embrace the changes that need to take place for the work to be effective on a long-term basis?
  3. Is it in your Highest and Best Good to heal this wound at this time?
  4. Are there any outside influences that are preventing your healing at this time?
  5. Is there something you need to do first before you can address the wound you believe is most important?

In my experience facilitating healing experiences, there are several factors that need to be taken into account.

  1. The wound you perceive is only the tip of the iceberg.  You may be one of the few who are truly self-aware enough to know when a particular wound was created, but for many they repress the truth, for it is uncomfortable and inconvenient.
  2. Change must take place for the healing to be effective.  If you perceive your issue to be a lack of boundaries and together we discover this was because of the way your family treated you, are you prepared to deal with that?It doesn’t mean you have to confront them during your healing process, but you will have to effect immediate changes if your healing work is to not be rejected. And they may resist this change in you.  Are you mentally prepared to move forward emotionally, mentally, and physically in a way that will protect yourself, respect yourself, and build a healthy self-esteem – even if the healing requires you to curtail contact with your family members??
  3. Your High Self loves you very much.  And if your High Self perceives that what you are trying to do is going to traumatize you in some way, it will try to protect you in ways allowed.  Sometimes that means you sit and spin – and sometimes that sitting and spinning will last a long time.  All as a means to get you to examine this situation for what is in your Highest and Best Good.
  4. Our wounds are almost always created because of something that happened to us – and many times that “something” was done by a family member or someone we trusted, someone we loved or someone we thought loved us.In many cases, that same individual placed energetic devices inside of you (unknowingly on both sides, of course) that when you attempt to heal are instead triggered and circumvent or even entirely block your attempts to heal.

    Everyone has implants or constructs that distract you from healing.  You might have Akashic Contracts in place that need to be resolved before you can move forward with healing.  You may have taken vows in this or another lifetime that are now preventing you from obtaining that state of being you wish you could live in.  You yourself may have placed energetic blockages within your energy system to prevent you from seeing the Truth, because you were hurting then.  And you are still hurting now.

    These are just a few ways things may block your healing process. If you don’t have the knowledge base to recognize and process these things, it is no wonder you feel stuck.  One class – or even 5 classes – are not necessarily going to provide you with all that you need to move forward to heal yourself.  Because you are a complex individual.

  5. It could be that there are other wounds that will need to be addressed before you get to the “big wound” you perceive.  Are you open to that or do you think you have to deal with this big wound before you can deal with anything else?In my experience, the big wounds need to be dealt with slowly and carefully.  Starting to heal your other issues will provide a stronger, healthier basis for you to grow and heal on.  Otherwise, you could easily traumatize yourself further.

    NOTE: any healing practitioner who does not take this potential trauma into account is not someone you should be seeing.

Healing may seem to be an illusive goal to you.  Seeing an effective Healing Practitioner may be what you need to do to at least gain ground and gain understanding of ways you can help yourself.

But what if you have already done that?  What if you spent a large amount of money working with someone, but have not seen any changes?  Well, it is unfortunate, but that does happen because not every practitioner is meant to work with every person needing healing work.

So this is where brutal honesty has to come into play.

  1. Did you work with someone because they were referred to you? (Referrals are great, just keep in mind everyone is different and results vary.)
  2. Did you work with a practitioner because you did not know anyone else and you did not want to do research? (This is sad because there are always tons out there.)
  3. When you met them, did you have any reaction (emotional, physical, etc.) to them?(If you had a negative reaction, why did you continue the session?) 
  4. Did you ask them any of these questions(This list covers so many different things, but don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t.  The previous two questions are the key ones.)

The truth is, very few people can facilitate their own healing on a regular basis.  This does not meant that people are incapable of healing on their own; indeed, your High Self may have gifted you with spontaneous moments of healing or of epiphanies that led to healing moments already.

Most practitioners I know work with a peer or student to facilitate their own healing work.  Why?  Healing work is just like counseling or therapy.  You need to be addressing issues on a regular basis or human nature takes over and you ignore them.  And when you are peeking or peering or diving into your wounds and issues by yourself, it is very easy to be distracted or resistant to the work.  Why?  Because it hurts!  Thus, progress is slow because you are expecting to feel pain and hurt, and thus you do.

Working with a healing practitioner who is in alignment with you, who is ethical, and who values your highest and best good is going to produce more effective healing sessions they take from you the thinking part of the process.  They are going to be listening to and working with your High Self.  No, I cannot say these sessions are going to be fun or short-term.

I can say that you will begin to experience the changes appropriate for you, as long as you work with transparency and honesty with your Healing Practitioner. And long-term, that is all any of us really desires.

Working with someone allows you to relax deeply on the table or in the chair.  You can “let them drive” and know that this conscientious person cares about you and that your discomfort will be minimal and the healing benefits will be there.  The appropriate person will know how to help you release internal blocks of resistance and will work to make sure your needs are addressed.

The vast majority of people who land in the healing practitioner world are people who were hurt and sought out help to heal themselves.  Now they want to help others.  This is a very positive indicator.

And you have the right to choose someone who is in alignment with your Highest and Best Good.  Respect your intuition and you will be guided to working with the correct individual and then the healing will progress!