You have spoken of staring into the Abyss, but have you truly looked within it? Spent hours looking into the Abyss that exists within you and seeing every single character flaw you possess? Seeing all the lost opportunities and wasted opportunities because of something you did which was caused by an insecurity you possessed? How about looking at the choices you thought were “right” or “correct” for you at the time, which only in time revealed to you instead all the things that were wrong about you? Spiritual depression is one of the paths we each take to reach the Abyss.
I do this regularly – the Angelics make me do this for my highest and best good. Not to punish, not to humiliate, not to wreak havoc upon that which exists as “me”, but instead to look at, to analyze, to see how I could have chosen differently, to reflect upon, and mostly, to heal those wounds that exist within me.
If I enter the Abyss and stay too long, I call this spiritual depression the “Dark Night of the Soul”. It is not necessarily a choice to “stay too long”, but rather I am held there in that state of exposure – held in a state of almost suspension where I am given time to really look at what I truly believe down to my Core.
Every significant spiritual step forward I have taken has been prompted by a spiritual depression episode. I don’t become suicidal, but I do become very dark energetically as all my focus is internalized on my frailty and flows. Obsessed might be a good word for it, except that every single thing in my life is reviewed, judged, discerned, and finally determined if it is to stay or go.
People have also left as a result of my work in the Abyss – sometimes because my vibration shifts too high for them to be comfortable with me, so they leave…and sometimes because I realize that they are not in alignment with me and what I wish to become.
When you stare into the Abyss – what do you see?
It is a place that reflects fears and smashed dreams and idle thoughts of fancy and then shows you the reflection of who you are. Multiple people I have worked with over the years wonder at my humility, my abject refusal to claim attention or acclaim for what I do. Partially that is because I am an introvert and am not comfortable in the spot light or being around lots of people, and partially it is because of my experiences within the Abyss.
I know who and what I am, and I cannot claim something that I do not do. The change I bring into other people’s lives, the healings they experience, the knowledge shared with them is not me, it is not mine. I merely channel that information/energy/healing to them. They are the ones who bear the responsibility of what they do when I finish doing my thing.
I have looked into the Abyss and seen what I could become – and that has scared me. I don’t want to become that person ever, for I have also seen it echoed in a parallel lifetime and I don’t like who I am in that lifetime.
You may think you are challenging or difficult or unworthy or mean or whatever negative term you use inside your head. We are each these things – it is part of being human and it is a lesson for each of us to grow past that childish mindset and see others for who they truly are and not what we project at them.
Last night I voluntarily entered the Abyss, for I could feel spiritual depression looming. This is good – it is an opportunity for me to demand transparency and honesty, learning and growth, and healing from myself. And the end result is always the same when I learn from these moments – Love.
Love is all that matters in this world. I say that a lot, because it really is true. Love of all kinds, all natures, with all kinds of people, animals, and aspects of this reality. When we choose to love, we are choosing an aspect of ourselves that lifts us up away from cruelty and barbarity into a place of reason and rationality. Clarity and discernment instead of fear and ignorance, for the more we learn about ourselves and how we work inside, the better we are able to understand the motivations and agendas of other humans.
I have not always chosen love or to be in a place of love. I would have tossed some of the people I work with now to the curb a long time ago if I was still unable to see how their wounds drive them to self-destructive acts. I give them the safe place to be themselves and a place to unburden their fears and worries. I give to them what the Angelics and Guides have given to me, because very few people ever experience what I experience regularly. How can I do less? I accept myself; how can I not accept others for the fragile creatures we are?
The most vicious, ugly person can be redeemed – if they want to be. I cannot make anyone do that – they have to want to do that. I can hold their hand while we look into the abyss together, for I am not afraid of it, and that gives them strength.
When I stare into the Abyss, I see me. I see all versions of me – good, bad, ignorant, wise, silly, vicious, beautiful and ugly. I choose what I wish to be, I choose the aspects I want to heal and those I want to grow.
In the end, I know when I am done with the Abyss because I choose to lift myself away from spiritual depression and suicidal thoughts and instead, I embrace what I have become and what I want to be.
It takes courage and internal fortitude to own yourself – your positives and negatives. I understand your pain, very well. I go into the abyss gladly because when I emerge, I am better for it. But in the beginning, it was not easy at all. I was filled with shame and horror and felt I did not deserve anything of happiness because of what a weak and horrible person I was. And then I forgave myself for being human and I slowly forgave those who hurt me deliberately, and then slowly worked on forgiving those who hurt me carelessly.
What do you see when you stare into the Abyss?